Eating Disorder – The False Friend Trap
When everything else in life feels out of control – when you hate your job, your relationship is broken and all your friends have moved apart, well, then, at least, there is still that one thing that you have control over – food and your body. Dieting and Restrictive Eating is that one loyal “friend” that you can rely on. It has always been there. At least this is how it felt to me for many years.
It’s all about control
In those years, when the disordered eating was that false friend of mine, I always had a reason why I needed to go on another diet or why I needed to change my body. I was in a job I truly despised and my long term relationship was on the verge of crumbling to pieces. Every time I was experiencing lack of control and uncomfortable emotions and feelings that I didn’t want to explore, I would turn my focus to dieting. It was the one thing I knew worked and was always there for me.
It can be overwhelming to look at what truly causes us pain as we don’t know what we are going to discover and what it will mean. Too often we are scared to be honest with ourselves and avoid uncomfortable emotions by finding distractions.
We all just want to be happy
I believed once I have a perfect body, everything will change and I will be so much happier. Looking back, I was craving love, affection, purpose and happiness. But I didn’t have any awareness for that. I fell into the dieting trap and the false friend trap – EVERY TIME.
And then, there was a day when I asked myself: If the “perfect” body was supposed to make me happy, why was the way I felt about life not changing? Even though my body was changing! Did this mean that dieting and restrictive eating wasn’t giving me anything? I realised that it did mean exactly that. It gave me a sense of control and familiarity – a friend who was literally going through thick and thin with me. Thus, it gave me a false sense of hope for a better future.
It’s all about what we believe we will get
So many people are convinced that controlling food and how their body looks will give them confidence, happiness, love, connection and purpose. What I realised is that it is not about the body or food – it has never been and will never be. When we look beneath the surface, it is about what we believe we will get. For some people this can be confidence, love and affection; whereas for others this can be career, happiness and success.
But let me ask you this: How many times have you lost and gained weight and how many times did you get all that you believed you will get once you have the body of your dreams?
Let’s turn it around and take charge
This realisation changed my entire outlook on life. Instead of waiting for love, purpose and happiness, it was up to me to take empowered actions to create my life. I started asking myself how I envision my life to be and what makes me happy. I integrated 15 minute meditations and visualisation into my morning routine and started taking daily actions.
It is was incredibly empowering to let go of the illusion that controlling my body and food will give me love, purpose and happiness. In fact, it was tiring and exhausting and it wasn’t leading me anywhere. I now feel so much stronger within myself knowing that I am in charge of my life and not worrying about dieting or my body shape.
My Life without an eating disorder now
Since then I quit my job, separated myself from my toxic relationship and started my own business. I am living my passion and purpose every day supporting women and girls recovering from distorted eating and body image issues.
I no longer control my body shape through dieting and restrictive eating because I know that it is just a false friend who is trying to create the illusion of being my best friend.
And yes – I even found the love of my life.
If you or someone you know is experiencing fear of food and body obsession or even an eating disorder, please feel welcome to contact me to find out how I can support you or your loved one.
If you are interested to hear more about my personal story, read more HERE